Here is my Heart.

LEARN.

“This Beloved of ours is merciful and good. Besides, he so deeply longs for our love that he keeps calling us to come closer. This voice of his is so sweet that the poor soul falls apart in the face of her own inability to instantly do whatever he asks of her. And so you can see, hearing him hurts much more than not being able to hear him… For now, his voice reaches us through words spoken by good people, through listening to spiritual talks, and reading sacred literature. God calls to us in countless little ways all the time. Through illnesses and suffering and through sorrow he calls to us. Through a truth glimpsed fleetingly in a state of prayer he calls to us. No matter how halfhearted such insights may be, God rejoices whenever we learn what he is trying to teach us.” ― Santa Teresa de Jesús, Interior Castle

Something in me ached.

Jesus came for the rejected, the lost, the broken, the lonely. Yes, He came for them. He came for us. He came for me. 

Today was TCC’s praise night, and I spent all day baking to raise funds for Panama 2012-Summer missions trip! 

When we finally got to church, we put the baked goods in the kitchen, and i started to head towards the main sanctuary, and i saw 5 outcasts.

I started annoying them with my petty small talks, until i found out one of them was an atheist, and another boy was a son of Buddhists. I could have just left knowing that, but for some reason, i felt like God was tugging on my heart, to just speak light, life, and truth. So instead of happily going on my way to praise with everyone else, i stood explaining things, and asking them questions. I could tell these questions that i was raising were something they wanted to think about when they are alone. 

They looked a little annoyed at me, and one boy was frank about telling me to leave them alone. They had all these excuses not to talk to me, first they told me they were getting picked up early, and told me to go back into the sanctuary, and i told them that i would watch them leave. Then, we sat in the baby room during the sermon, and i talked about North and South Korea, and Jesus.

And i kept looking through the window to see what was going on in the sanctuary, and they could see me straining to see inside, and told me to go join the rest of the congregation, and when they told me that, something in me hurt. Something in me ached. At that moment, I heard a faint whisper, I came for them…those words shook me. I had to fight back my tears, and one of the boys asked me why i was staying, and i replied, “I can’t leave you guys, i feel selfish if i leave you guys, because I know that God’s heart is for you guys. I know that He will never abandon you, and I don’t want to do that.” and the one that is frank was pretty much saying that that was bullcrap, and that he didn’t believe a word of it. One by one, they all left the room, until i was sitting alone and greeted my old friend, Silence. I layed my hands on each of the chairs that they were sitting on, and prayed for them. 

This was the biggest blessing of my day. Even if they didn’t understand a single word i said, or didn’t care for it one bit, the only thing i wish they saw and recognized was the love of Christ in me for them. I denied my self, just to serve them, and point them towards Christ in a subtle way. I hope that one day, these 5 boys will grow to be men of God who serve relentlessly, and worship wholeheartedly. 

I want to be a mere shadow behind the King of Kings. 

I got a lot out of praise night, but more than that, I lost a lot.

TO die is to gain. 

THE ROSE AND THE AMARANTH

Rose and an Amaranth blossomed side by side in a garden, and the

Amaranth said to her neighbor, “How I envy you your beauty and

your sweet scent! No wonder you are such a universal favorite.”

But the Rose replied with a shade of sadness in her voice, “Ah, my

dear friend, I bloom but for a time: my petals soon wither and fall,

and then I die. But your flowers never fade, even if they are cut; for

they are everlasting.” Greatness carries its own penalties.

THE END

Like a flower blooming in secret.

I’ve been walking through a narrow path to get to my dorm lately, and in this path, i am unseen. I walk through the backside of Emerson Hall, then through the parking lot, past the organic garden, and into my dorm. I am seldom seen by the eyes of many, and in a way, I think I’ve come to enjoy these walks of solitude.

Being unseen. A person who finds a flower in the desert, considers it even more rare and of worth. In an uncommon place. A flower than is unseen, is then discovered by One with yearning eyes. 

on HOLY ground

Today I look around and my breath catches in my throat.

Surely I should take off my shoes. Or fall to my knees. Or raise up my hands. Surely this moment is holy.

Not because of anything spectacular. This morning is going the same way every morning goes.

-Katie Davis-

in the waiting.

I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or the does of the field, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases.

-Songs of Solomon 2:7, 3:5-

OHHHH AMENNNNN.

so i won’t go off hunting or on a great search for my prince. but i will wait. and i know that in the waiting both of us grow, and the day we meet will be far more worth the wait. 

A friend of God.

She grabs her stuff, and is ready to take on the day. Before she goes out the door, she turns back and comes back to me and says “Amy, you’re a friend of God.”  Grace went on and one about this topic, before she eventually left for class, but those words just kept sinking deeper and deeper until it became part of my heart. 

I am alone now. I think in my head Yea, I AM a friend of God. And He is my dearest friend. Yes, I know, He is my Father, my King, my Lord, my Beloved, my Everything… but to be called a friend. What an extraordinary, wonderfullly crafted word! friend. 

Each day, there are things that offend me when they shouldn’t, and immediately I place my thoughts on God. And every time I begin to get offended, God reminds me of King David. King David never got offended over anything, unless it was something in offense to God. Because King David was also a friend of God. Friends stick up for each other. Friends fight for each other. 

my Friend has got my back.