What the heck does God see in me? I’m freaking stupid and annoying!
I’m so quick to anger, so quick to sin, so quick to repentance. In a vision I had in January 2011, I was asking God the same question…“God, what the heck do you see in me?” and in the quiet, in the secret place, He takes me into a vision. I’m a Father, and standing beside me is my Son. We’re standing in the streets, and we see a young girl and her head is down, hair in her face, all alone, playing with the pebbles on the ground. No one notices her, and walks by her. I, the Father, turn to my Son and say, “do you see that girl over there?” and my Son says, “yes, what about her?” and I turn and face the girl, and reply, “she’s so lonely, and broken. She was made to be loved. I want to be her Father, so that I can love her.” At that moment, I understood… I was made to be loved. and I thought I was done with the vision, but no, the next few things in my vision are very dear to my heart. As soon as I say that I want to love her, the little girl, looks up and looks at me. she starts running towards me. She runs to me in slow motion. I notice something beautiful. As she is running towards me, the countenance of her face starts glowing brighter and brighter, her hair is being blown by the wind, and her eyes are locked on mine. Her smile kindles my heart. Then when it’s about 3 feet, the slow motion running stops, and she sprints into my arms. I could hear rejoicing. At the moment we embrace, I’m the little girl now, inside my Father’s arms. And at that moment, everything is PERFECT. Then, I zoom out of the girl, and I’m looking at the Father, Son, and the girl. They are a Family.
I ask God, “why?” and He reminds me this… His love is beyond what I can fathom. He loves because He loves. He loves because He, Himself IS Love. It’s His nature.
So, even though I’m stupid and annoying, He sees my heart. A heart that keeps running back to Him, because for a long time, He saw past my sins and simply loved a stupid little girl like me.